Moments Imagined Blog

How many bridesmaids should I have?

According to various bridal experts, the traditional formula is one bridesmaid for every 50 guests. And while that rule seems to make sense for groomsmen and ushers, the formula is somewhat looser for bridesmaids. If you have lots of sisters or close friends, you should include them all if that works for you. If you have only a few close relatives or friends, a smaller bridal party is fine. Sometimes there is a potential conflict if either the bride or the groom wants a bigger wedding party than the other one might. Some negotiation will be necessary. A wedding planner can suggest other wedding related roles that you can offer to these “extras”. While it is usual to have one maid or matron of honor, there is nothing wrong with having one of each or two maids of honor if you have close friends or relatives that you want in that role.
How can I include my out of town bridesmaid?

If she lives some distance away and you really want her to plan to attend a shower or other event related to the wedding, you owe it to her to tell her that up front when you ask her to be in the wedding. Travel can be an additional burden on this friend – especially if you can’t afford to cover her travel expenses. If she accepts then you need to make every effort to keep her in the loop of wedding related activities and news.  Establishing and maintaining an email link is vital to communicating news. Make sure that she knows about the website you’ve established and can access it easily.

How do I handle a bridesmaid who hasn’t gotten measured or ordered her dress yet?

Give her a gentle reminder that the order is being held up waiting for her size and deposit.  Offer to meet her at the bridal shop at a certain date and time at her convenience. Make it a lunch date or dinner date to order the dress and then have time together. If the maid is a relative on the groom’s side, enlist the help of the groom’s mother and ask her to remind the maid that “time is critical”. Your maid of honor can assume the role of captain of the maids and call this maid as many times as is necessary to get this done. The store where you’ve selected the gowns can also help by sending reminder cards and/or emails to this person.

While every bride and every wedding is unique and special, the questions that brides have about aspects of the wedding plans can be similar. Here is a collection of some of the most common questions.

BRIDAL REGISTRY

Should I register both online and in a store?

By all means! Registries on line can be a huge time saver for your out of town guests, plus you can log on to the site anytime to add or delete items. But be sure to register your preferences in a variety of retail locations as well. Ideally, you should select a good variety of locations for your registry choices. Be sure to select at least one national chain if you have guests from other states. In addition, you should provide a range of purchase options for your guests by selecting one high-end store, and at least one inexpensive retailer. Some couples are also including information about a favorite charity and will indicate on their wedding website if they prefer gifts to that charity in their name.

How do I let guests know where I am registered?

Count on your website and your wedding party to spread the word about your gift registry preferences. Every now and then, a bride wants to include this information in her invitations but that it is considered incredibly bad form to do so. Parents, your maid of honor, bridesmaids and relatives can spread this information to those who inquire.

Signing up for gifts makes me feel uncomfortable.  Do I need to register at all?

Utilizing a gift registry is as much for guests as it is for the couple. Invited guests will want to send/bring a gift to commemorate the occasion.   Bringing a gift that they know the bride and groom will cherish makes the effort even more special. Think of the registry process as a gentle way of assisting the guests to do what they are going to do anyway. Registry gives them a comfortable way to help the young couple celebrate.

WEDDING BUDGETS

If parents and in laws are contributing to wedding expenses, do they get a say in how I spend the money?

They certainly do! Some parents will give money with no instructions or restrictions, but some will prefer to sponsor or fund a particular aspect of the wedding. Some may wish to host the reception in its entirety. Others may wish to pay for the bar only. Your role is to make sure that if there are preferences that you both work closely with the donors to make plans that meet everyone’s needs.

If parents are giving you a set amount of cash toward your wedding, it makes sense to try to receive the money as early as possible and then invest it in a short term CD. It might as well earn some interest for you.

No one has offered to help us pay for any part of the wedding. Is it ok to ask?

It is – but try to do graciously. As the bride and groom, meet individually with each set of parents and share with them your plans for the wedding.  After you have gone over everything you’ve identified so far, it is appropriate to ask if they would be interested in helping you to fund any part of the day. You might suggest that funding the flowers or the photography or the cake or the band would be in lieu of a wedding gift. If there is no interest – so be it. Regroup and rethink the budget. That’s where working with a wedding planner can prove valuable. We have all sorts of ideas of where and how to save money without having it “show”.

How do I make sure I get what I ordered?  I am going to be dealing with so many different vendors; I just know something is bound to be wrong. T

he best way to insure that what you ordered is what you get is to be clear up front about what you ordered and get it in writing.  Many of the vendors with whom you will work are likely to have contracts that you’ll be expected to sign. Read them carefully before you do sign to make sure that you understand all of the terms.
Lots of contracts can have phrases like “subject to availability” or “ vendor has the right to substitute goods or services comparable to those ordered”.  If that language is in the contract, you should consider including a clause that spells out an acceptable alternative and that insists that you be contacted before the substitution is made. At least the change will not be a surprise to you.

Ever since the days of “wedding by capture” couples have found time to be together for a time after the wedding ceremony. Whether your plans include a romantic cruise or a few days canoeing in the wilderness, this is a time for the two of you to be alone and transition from the very busy planning and celebrating to a life of just the two of you.

Whatever your plans, consult with a travel agent as you begin thinking about honeymoon destinations or take a look at Moments Imagined travel site.  Think about how much you can spend, the amount of time you have and what both of you like to do.

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